Tag Archives: Fear

I love a good remix (so much love for Alex Adair's Thinking out Loud and Say You Love Me right now) so I took some realisations from last year, and some thinking from today and voila - a remix:

Last weekend/year I ventured out of the safe haven of the Cronx to fields of green and barley - or something like that.

Lets go for a walk they said. It will be fun they said.IMG-20160130-WA0003

What started out a nice plan to stroll through the glorious English countryside with a quick pitstop at a cake shop (obviously), turned into an epic and perilous trek through hills, mountains and ravines of mud, mud and more mud.  It was just like going on a bear hunt - we couldn't go over it, we couldn't go under it, so o flip flopping no we had to go through it.

I spent the better part of two hours terrified I was about to slip, fall and then trudge back to the car covered head to toe in mud, my shame at falling witnessed and judged by every other walker, sheep and cow that we saw. I'm all for natural facemasks but face full of sheep crap mud? Yeah, I'll give that a miss thanks.

I soon realised I  was letting the fear of what might happen rob me of the joy of enjoying green fields, blue skies and horizons - yes, real life horizons with trees. And then, as you do when you have a realisation, the soundtrack kicks in. This one was The Fear by Ben Howard -

Oh, I've been worryin' that my time is a little unclear
I've been worryin' that I'm losing the ones I hold dear
I've been worryin' that we all live our lives in the confines of fear

Then it hit me like a wrecking ball of cold wet mud - Have I really? Have I really been living my life in the confines of fear?

I would like to say at this point I threw caution to the wind, threw off the shackles of fear, embraced potential failure and stomped through the mud like a child rejoicing in puddles.

Ha! No. I hate being cold, wet and muddy - you can thank three years of PE lessons playing rugby on top of a hill in winter for that. I actually made it back to the safety of the car crying for my mother, holding on to all fences and trees that might keep me upright, and when no other option seemed possible simply closing my eyes, saying a quick prayer and leaping across the puddle/river/reservoir of mud. Not too different from surviving PE actually.ys85i

But fear doesn’t just influence how we live, it also influences how we see God. I’ve had Let You Go by United Pursuit playing round and round in my head for the past few days. Particularly this bit:

Help me let You go, help me give up control of the God I have made you when my fear has contained you

I’ve been listening to it on repeat repeat repeat and waking up singing it. (The week before it was The Secret Place by Phil Wickham).

Ever been there? Making decisions out of fear and not faith? Believing lies, letting fear cloud your vision of God and distort it to something seemingly more manageable?

Me too – you’re in good company.

Fortunately for us, by his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope (Ephesians 3v20). So while some may trust in horses and chariots (Psalm 20v7), weapons and armies, technology, jobs, people – all of which can be gone in an instant – we can trust in a God who can do more than we can even dream.

I don’t know about you, but I would much rather a life where I had to be brave and embrace potential failure and discomfort to see the immeasurably more of God, than a comfortable  life confined by fear.

Here’s to the immeasurably more!

 

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Last weekend I ventured out of the safe haven of the Cronx to fields of green and barley - or something like that.

Lets go for a walk they said. It will be fun they said.IMG-20160130-WA0003

What started out a nice plan to stroll through the glorious English countryside with a quick pit stop at a cake shop (obviously), turned into an epic and perilous trek through hills, mountains and ravines of mud, mud and more mud.  It was just like going on a bear hunt - we couldn't go over it, we couldn't go under it, so o flip flopping no we had to go through it.

I spent the better part of two hours terrified I was about to slip, fall and then trudge back to the car covered head to toe in mud, my shame at falling witnessed and judged by every other walker, sheep and cow that we saw. I'm all for natural facemasks or whatev but face full of sheep crap mud? Save it for the next Hollywood skin care gimmick, I'll give that a miss thanks.

I soon realised I  was letting the fear of a possibility of discomfort rob me of the joy of enjoying green fields, blue skies and horizons - yes, real life horizons with trees. It's not a myth, they do still exist.

And then, as you do when you have a realisation, the soundtrack kicks in. This one was The Fear by Ben Howard -

Oh, I've been worryin' that my time is a little unclear
I've been worryin' that I'm losing the ones I hold dear
I've been worryin' that we all live our lives in the confines of fear

And then it hit me like a wrecking ball of cold wet mud in the face - Have I really? Have I really been living my life in the confines of fear? Particularly the fears of failure and discomfort? What did my fear cost me? Where might I have been if I'd pushed on through the fear? Have I been making decisions based on fear not faith?

I would like to say at this point I threw caution to the wind, threw off the shackles of fear, embraced potential failure and stomped through the mud like a child rejoicing in puddles.

Ha! No. I hate being cold, wet and muddy - you can thank three years of school PE lessons playing rugby on top of a hill in  winter for that. I actually made it back to the safety of the car crying for my mother, holding on to all fences and trees that might keep me upright, eating some excellent coffee & walnut cake and when no other option seemed possible simply closing my eyes, saying a quick prayer and leaping across the puddle/river/reservoir of mud. Not too different from surviving PE actually.

ys85i

But actually, life is for living yo!

Life in all it's fullness has more power than we could ever imagine over the limiting confines of seemingly small fears that steal and destroy.

Life in all it's fullness has immeasurably more potential than we can dream.

Life is for living yo!

Watch this:


For real. You will not regret it. Best 41 seconds of the day.*


Poor kid. You can see The Fear. You can see he most definitely regrets his actions. You can see he has an understanding of wrong and right. You can see that he's frantically searching for a way out, anything to help him escape punishment and "the cawps". And then he lands on the one thing he hopes will save him, "I'm your son! I'm your son!" He places his hope of salvation in his relationship with his mother, trusting that it will save him (can you see where I'm going with this yet?).


The fear of God.


Maybe if I understood the Awesome** majesty of God better I would be more like this kid when I consider my actions. Because I'm pretty certain that one day I will stand before God pleading, much like that child, "I'm your daughter. Jesus has saved me. Jesus has saved me." If I were of a more charismatic persuasion I would definitely be 'pleading the blood.' And quite rightly so.

Sometimes its easy to forget that God is Holy - is sacred, is pure, is perfect. Sometimes its easy to forget that a sacrifice was made so that we could freely approach God and ask for forgiveness. 

 
Maybe, if I had half as much fear as this kid I would examine my motives more often and think three hundred times before making a decision. 

Not that we should live bawling our eyes out everyday. But a healthy amount of trepidation wouldn't go amiss.


 

*Unless, like one of my flatmates, you just think its horrible that he's so scared. Maybe I just need a Sense of Humour Adjustment. 

** Please note the correct use of awesome. It's not a word to be bandied around for every situation like that Christmas present you keep re-gifting but seems to find its way back to you. 

Shout out to my brother who first notified me of this internet gold. Shout out to the mum who managed to drive and film this, and then uploaded it to the world wide web.