Tag Archives: Life

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What is saving your life right now?

Many years ago now, a wise old priest invited me to come speak at his church in Alabama. “What do you want me to talk about?” I asked.

"Come tell us what is saving your life right now,” he answered.

It was as if he had swept his arm across a dusty table and brushed all the formal china to the ground.

I did not have to try to say correct things that were true for everyone. I did not have to use theological language that conformed to the historical teachings of the church. All I had to do was figure out what my life depended on. All I had to do was figure out how I stayed as close to that reality as I could.”

From An Altar in the World, Barbara Brown Taylor.

It is the year of our Lord 2020 DCT (During Corona Times), consider the formal china swept to the floor - because if you can’t mess up your fancy table setting DCT when can you?

What is saving your life right now? (other than staying at home, obvs)

Saving my life right now is: Sunlight. Taking photos of beautiful things on the Boris sanctioned daily exercise of lunchtime walks. Exercising wonder. Reminding myself this is just for a season.

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Abandoning all notions of being a part-time vegetarian – turns out, in times of global crisis, all I want is comfort food. Turns out, lentils are not comfort food and so, when the going gets tough, the tough eat burgers.

Psalms that lament. Psalms that praise. Psalms that start with lament and turn to praise. The clocks going forward meaning we had one less hour of this to deal with. Yoga. Cleaning everything in sight. Updates on the latest Isolationships. This painting:

The invitation to joy, peace, love, trust - life in all its fullness. By Jenedy Paige
By Jenedy Paige

Good music - praise be for the Quarantunes playlist - turning it up 11 and dancing for joy. Friends sending daily encouragement. Knowing God is present and at work even if it doesn’t feel like it. Online workouts with the gym crew. Not checking the news more than twice a day. Phonecalls with my people. Zoom calls with my people. Memes that perfectly capture life as we now know it DCT:

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The Calendar of Thanks:

Everyday we write one thing we are thankful for.
Everyday we write one thing we are thankful for.

Virtual church – much love and socially distanced hugs to all my Grace and Streatham loves. Hope that this season will pass and we will live in the glorious future of life ACT (After Corona Times). The internet. Finding the flow of new routines and creating some order within chaos:

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Knowing that, whilst they might not be the biggest issues right now, its ok to grieve the loss of: being with my people, routine, structure, any semblance of certainty, seeing horizons, the hustle and bustle of London, being angry with tourists reach the barriers before looking for their oyster cards, Easter weekend food.

Keeping track of every time a neighbour leaves their house so we can let the police know if they're not sticking to lockdown laws - we sit by the front window 8 hours a day, we see everything (shout out to No 243 who did a great job cleaning their windows on Friday).

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I beg to differ - we have top intel.

"As surely as the sun rises, as surely as it sets, we anticpate your goodness, we anticpate the rest." Interlude - Torwalt

Knowing I have enough leave-in conditioner to last a couple of months (if black women ran the goverment you know for sure black hair shops would be in the essential business category). I may or may not have stockpiled.

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Frequent phonecalls with my mum and sister – BCT (Before Corona Times) I called my mother on Sunday afternoons and my sister every few weeks. Now I talk to them most days. I don’t know why. None of us have anything interesting to say – we’ve all been sat at home.

Being extra. Yes, I put on my fancy Going Out clothes, spent the morning straightening my hair and putting on a full face of makeup just to sit in the house and order in brunch. Yes, on Wednesdays we wear pink and Fridays we wear formal business attire to the new office at home. And yes, I was the only one wearing a cocktail dress and fancy earrings for Friday Night Wine Zoom. Being extra is in my DNA and I make no apologies.

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Contemplative prayer and the Lectio365 App. Eating a Malteaser everytime someone on TV says unprecedented (am rapidly running out of Malteasers - please send supplies).

God is good all the time. All the time, God is good.

Every morning I ask for the grace for the day and every day it is given. Break the bread. Pour the wine. Give thanks.

What is saving your life right now?

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Last weekend I ventured out of the safe haven of the Cronx to fields of green and barley - or something like that.

Lets go for a walk they said. It will be fun they said.IMG-20160130-WA0003

What started out a nice plan to stroll through the glorious English countryside with a quick pit stop at a cake shop (obviously), turned into an epic and perilous trek through hills, mountains and ravines of mud, mud and more mud.  It was just like going on a bear hunt - we couldn't go over it, we couldn't go under it, so o flip flopping no we had to go through it.

I spent the better part of two hours terrified I was about to slip, fall and then trudge back to the car covered head to toe in mud, my shame at falling witnessed and judged by every other walker, sheep and cow that we saw. I'm all for natural facemasks or whatev but face full of sheep crap mud? Save it for the next Hollywood skin care gimmick, I'll give that a miss thanks.

I soon realised I  was letting the fear of a possibility of discomfort rob me of the joy of enjoying green fields, blue skies and horizons - yes, real life horizons with trees. It's not a myth, they do still exist.

And then, as you do when you have a realisation, the soundtrack kicks in. This one was The Fear by Ben Howard -

Oh, I've been worryin' that my time is a little unclear
I've been worryin' that I'm losing the ones I hold dear
I've been worryin' that we all live our lives in the confines of fear

And then it hit me like a wrecking ball of cold wet mud in the face - Have I really? Have I really been living my life in the confines of fear? Particularly the fears of failure and discomfort? What did my fear cost me? Where might I have been if I'd pushed on through the fear? Have I been making decisions based on fear not faith?

I would like to say at this point I threw caution to the wind, threw off the shackles of fear, embraced potential failure and stomped through the mud like a child rejoicing in puddles.

Ha! No. I hate being cold, wet and muddy - you can thank three years of school PE lessons playing rugby on top of a hill in  winter for that. I actually made it back to the safety of the car crying for my mother, holding on to all fences and trees that might keep me upright, eating some excellent coffee & walnut cake and when no other option seemed possible simply closing my eyes, saying a quick prayer and leaping across the puddle/river/reservoir of mud. Not too different from surviving PE actually.

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But actually, life is for living yo!

Life in all it's fullness has more power than we could ever imagine over the limiting confines of seemingly small fears that steal and destroy.

Life in all it's fullness has immeasurably more potential than we can dream.

Life is for living yo!

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Last Sunday was my birthday. Another year closer to retirement and the cancellation of my student debt- Yay for me!

It also marked four weeks since my Grandmother died. For the first time I received a birthday card without her name in it - “With love from Grandad."

The following day one of my best friends had her first baby. Welcome to the world Connie!

Loss and Life.

The week before my birthday I went to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. I saw some great theatre, some beautiful theatre, some duller than golf theatre, some hilarious comedy and some so poor I can’t even call it comedy comedy - more of a painful, never ending lecture. I laughed more in those seven days than the last seven months. In case you missed it here's the joke of the fringe: "I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free." – Darren Walsh

For the first time I can't visit my Grandmother and tell her all about it.

Loss and Laughing.

I used to love this C. S. Lewis quote because I thought it was Beautiful and True. I now love it because I know it to be True and Beautiful. Word order is important people –  Chips and fish? Coffee & Tea?

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”  C. S. Lewis

Life, Loss, Love & Laughing.

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People often ask me how I'm doing now that I'm exiled in Zone 6.

I tell them "it’s ok, I’m ok." And I am.

But I am also scared.

I am scared that before I know it I will slip into a living coma of a comfortable & complacent suburban life.

I am scared that I’ll begin to confuse the lines between want and need.

I am scared that I won't even notice when I begin to think that neighbours parking outside the wrong house is a crime punishable by getting lost in IKEA for an eternity.

I am scared that I’ll have a 9-5 office job that I don’t really like but am too afraid to leave – because without that I wouldn't know who I was?

I am scared that living in anything but a house with a garden will become unimaginable.

I am scared that I'll start reading the Daily Mail.

I am scared that as I get lulled into a false sense of security my dreams will start to shrink, as will my reliance on the God I love and try to serve.

I am scared that Waitrose will become the norm not a luxury.

I am scared of a life of  No Adventure

I am scared I will get Stuck.

I am scared that one day Jesus will put me in a group with my fellow goats – Matthew 25 y’all, I don’t actually think I’ll turn into a goat, bah!

I am scared that I’ll become a goat and not even care.

I am scared that one day I will realise how comfortable I have become and be too afraid to change it.

I am scared that I will no longer believe that Jesus is enough.

I am scared that I will trivialise the concerns and worries of my fellow suburbanites.

I am scared that I will blame the suburbs for my own laziness.

I am scared that I don't really understand the meaning of perfect love casting out fear (1 John 4 v18).

I am scared that I over dramatise everything.

BUT I do know that God is with me always, even until the end of the age (not infact a LOTR quote but Matthew 28 v 20). So really what is there to be scared of?

What about you, are you scared of anything?

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Remember the days when the smallest thing was the most fascinating thing ever?

Remember the days when what is now commonplace was o so amazing?

Remember the days when what is now a nuisance was actually something you excited talked about for weeks?

This week I had a twenty minute conversation with an 8 year old about the wonders of flying economy class...

"You have a TV in the seat in front of you! And you can watch anything you like, even Horrid Henry. And there's a thing for your drink by your arm. And  tray that goes in front of you like this. And they bring you really good food - two lots of food. Lunch and dinner. And they bring you pillows. And they bring you drinks. And there's even something to put your feet on."

All this from a child I who usually only answers my questions with "Yes" or "No." It's in the detail.

Remember when the world was fascinating?

This week I'm looking into the detail of everyday life to rediscover childlike wonder.

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Have you seen this yet?

Dear Friends who think it's ok to have your phone out at dinner,

Dear Friends who have to update facebook when we meet for coffee,

Dear Friends who would email the police rather than call them if they ever found my dead body in a recycling bin,

I love you, but please, for the sake of our friendship, for my rapidly decreasing patience, for your personal communication skills, for the children, for Queen and for country,

put your phone away.

Live your life. Be present in the present.

And the next time you get your phone out at dinner and it's not someone calling to say that your house is on fire and you need to go rescue your goldfish tank and your Extreme Ironing trophies - you're paying.

With love from Rachel